Chaos and Laundry Everywhere

I need a new persona. I just don't know what. I can't even ask anyone for help in figuring it out because nobody knows me. I mean really knows me. It's fucking sad, really.

So the neighbours have taken to mowing our lawn for us and I'm pretty sure it's because they feel sorry for us. Lovely. Does C care? Nope. Not one bit.

I want it to be autumn so that I can wear fleece and leggings and scarves. I want it to stop being so hot and sweaty and humid. I hate that shit.

I am completely miserable, overwhelmed and sad. I don't even know where to start. I live with a man who is mentally 16 and thinks it's ok. He doesn't care about any responsibilities outside of work  and can't be bothered to care. He has little respect for me or my family. Why am I still here? I ask myself on a daily basis. I don't even know.

So I plan and pay for a surprise birthday party for him. Not only did his friends stiff me for $100 worth of alcohol, I wasn't thanked once, wasn't told that he had fun, nothing. Today, I bust my ass doing chores, he sits on his ass watching TV. I ash him to help put away the groceries, he REALLY can't because he's playing a video game. Why am I still here?

Sometimes Mama just needs a day to herself. Kid is in daycare, C is at work and I have the house to myself for the first time in a long, long time. Binged on Netflix, did laundry, took a nap. It was glorious.

I think I would be totally ok if this house burned to the ground tomorrow. With no living body inside, of course.